


i jumped the gun; so sure you'd split and run

by willinplaid



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, F/M, M/M, Matchmaking, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-27
Updated: 2014-04-27
Packaged: 2018-01-20 22:50:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1528613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/willinplaid/pseuds/willinplaid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Modern AU. After the most embarrassing conversation with Robb, Renly and Loras figure out Robb is most definitely into his best friend Theon. A bet to see which of the two will make the first move is on, and horribly misguided attempts to get the two of them to get together ensue. Renly and Loras attempt a typical frat boy plan, Sansa and Margaery's is far more romantic, Jon and Ygritte's involves animal magnetism, and Asha believes romance is best preceded with a healthy dose of danger.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i jumped the gun; so sure you'd split and run

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all! For the purposes of the plot, Tormund and Mance Rayder are Ygritte's pseudobrothers for the course of this story, even though it doesn't really match canon. Also Jaime is a waiter.

Renly Baratheon kept being distracted from the very important activity of making out with his boyfriend by the sight of Robb Stark hovering awkwardly in his peripheral vision. At first Renly thought he was trying to inch past them to get to the beer on the table he was currently leaning against while Loras lay kisses down the line of his jaw, but it quickly became apparent that Robb was looking right at them with a half-embarrassed, half-terrified expression on his face.

 

Eventually Loras became aware of Renly’s distraction and pulled back in confusion, and turned around to see Robb look even more embarrassed now that they had noticed him. He clutched a Red Solo cup in his hand and began to stutter vaguely in explanation.

 

“Why were you staring at us making out?” Renly asked him, amused by Robb’s obvious embarrassment.

 

“I know we’re a nice sight, but it kind of ruins the mood.” Loras said, smirking.

 

Robb blushed, the flush spreading to the auburn roots of his hair. He looked around at the rest of the party as if hoping for some kind of escape, but when none came, he turned back, coming closer to the two of them. “No, it’s not that, um, I just wanted to ask you guys a question.”

 

Renly and Loras raised their eyebrows as an invitation to continue and Robb choked on his words for another few seconds before continuing. “It’s just, I wanted to know, how you guys knew…” His voice trailed off again, and his face, if possible, flushed an even darker crimson.

 

Renly frowned, becoming ever more confused. “Knew what? That you’re a freak of nature, because Robb, I seem to be realizing that one pretty quickly.”

 

Robb sighed, ripping the Red Solo cup apart methodically. “No, I was just wondering how you guys knew you were, you know…” He waved his hand vaguely in their direction.

 

Loras raised an eyebrow, and looked at Renly. “...Gay?” He supplied.

 

Robb cleared his throat. “Yeah.”

 

“Why…?” Loras asked again.

 

Robb opened and closed his mouth for a few seconds, saying nothing in particular, and Renly let out a laugh, figuring it out before Loras. “Are you telling me you’re gay?”

 

“No! Well, yes. Maybe? I don’t know.” Robb rubbed the back of his neck with his hand, looking intensely uncomfortable with the discussion.

 

Renly laughed again. “So you like boys, huh?”

 

Robb shrugged. “Yeah, well, um, not exactly boys…” His eyes flickered off to the side involuntarily and Loras followed his line of sight. For a second, he wasn’t sure what Robb was looking at, but then it became apparent. At the other end of lawn, by the side of the pool, there was a group of people gathered around Robb’s best friend Theon Greyjoy, who was currently standing on top of a lawn chair and drunkenly singing the lyrics to Another One Bites the Dust while the laughing people surrounding him were shaking the chair and trying to knock him into the pool. Theon was dancing to his own singing, his arms flailing over his head like a squid’s tentacles.

 

Loras turned back to Robb with a huge grin, but Robb had since decided that this conversation was not one he wanted to be having after all, and he nervously beat the retreat, telling them to forget he ever said anything, quickly running to the other side of the party and disappearing into the crowd.

 

Loras looked at Renly, grinning. “I knew it!”

 

Renly had not caught Robb’s glance across the party, and missed the crucial piece of information. “Knew what?” Loras indicated the rhapsodizing drunk boy with a finger, and Renly nodded. “Oh… Greyjoy, though? Isn’t he a little…”

 

“Bit of a douchebag? Yeah, but those two are attached at the hip. In fact,” and here Loras grinned in victory, “I have just won a bet. Where’s Margaery?”

 

After a shoving match through the people in the yard, Loras dragged Renly through the crowd to the less inhabited side of the pool where some were sitting with their feet in the water, and other couples with little shame were making out right in the bushes. There Loras found Margaery and Robb’s sister Sansa leaning against each other with their feet dragging in the water, laughing at some joke.

 

Margaery lifted her head from Sansa’s shoulder when Loras sat down next to her, his hand extended. “You owe me 30 bucks,” he said, grinning.

 

Margaery raised her eyebrows. “And why is that?”

 

“Wonder boy over there,” Loras vaguely gestured toward the rest of the party, and then at Sansa, “your brother, just came to inquire from me and Renly when we knew we were gay. And then he not-so-subtly let us know he wants his boy Greyjoy down his pants.”

 

Margaery looked annoyed, and Sansa looked both parts horrified and delighted. “So let me get this straight. He actually told you this? Or you just inferred?”

 

“Robb practically had heart eyes bursting out of his head. He’s got it bad.”

 

Margaery laughed, moving her legs to rest across Sansa’s lap. “Well, then you haven’t won the bet. If I recall, the bet was not if Robb and Theon got together, but who was going to act on it.”

 

Loras gaped. “Yeah, and I bet on Robb, and he all but told us he’s head over heels for Theon!”

 

Sansa leaned forward. “Yeah, but he hasn’t done anything about it. You only win the bet when he does something about it.”

 

Loras didn’t say anything to that, and Renly jumped in. “Well, Loras is still going to win the bet because Robb’s got it bad. Who knows if Greyjoy even feels the same way?”

 

Sansa scoffed. “Give me a break. Robb is practically Theon’s only friend. He spends every waking moment of his life around him. One time they were downstairs watching a movie at night, and I came down the stairs to grab a snack, and Robb had fallen asleep on Theon’s chest. Theon wasn’t even watching the movie, he was gazing down at Robb and carding his fingers through Robb’s hair. I’ve never seen him do that with anyone else. He’s definitely in love with Robb.”

 

Renly shook his head. “That doesn’t mean he’s going to act on it.”

 

Margaery shrugged. “Who said Robb will act on it, either?”

 

There was a slight impasse until there was a long groaning from the bushes behind them, and one of the make-out couples disentangled themselves from each other and sat up. Jon Snow, Sansa’s brother, looked over at them in annoyance. “Can you all stop talking about my brother’s love life in my presence? That’s something I didn’t need to hear.”

 

Ygritte, his girlfriend, sat up beside him and rolled her eyes at the interruption. “You could have just ignored them, Jon Snow,” she said sarcastically.

 

“Not when they’re talking about Robb and... Theon.” Jon closed his eyes, looking pained.

 

Sansa laughed. “Oh, come on, Jon. You have to admit, it’s a little romantic, don’t you think?” Sansa had always had a soft spot for romance, and best-friends-in-love was like her kryptonite.

 

“About as romantic as dog shit,” Jon muttered and Ygritte laughed loudly, planting a wet kiss on Jon, much to his chagrin. For someone with such an aversion to PDA, Jon had really picked the wrong girlfriend. Ygritte took it as her mission to show as much physical affection as she could in front of their friends in order to embarrass him as much as humanly possible.

 

Loras and Margaery were still arguing about who of the two would make the first move. Jon sighed deeply, looking as put upon as a man can while being straddled by his girlfriend. “Robb is practically writing poetry about Theon as it is, he’s definitely going to make the first move. One time he described Theon’s eyes as stormy grey. It was the worst moment of my life.” Jon’s dire statement was somewhat undercut by the kiss marks appearing on his neck.

 

Loras sat up, looking adversarial. “Wanna bet?”

 

“No,” Jon said in the same breath that Ygritte jumped in with, “Absolutely. We’d love to get in on this action.”

 

Jon looked out of sorts. “I’m not taking bets on the outcome of where Robb puts his dick. I have better things to think about.”

 

Ygritte clasped his shoulder and turned back to Loras and Margaery. “We will definitely enter the betting pool. What’s the entrance fee?”

 

“What are we betting on?” Another voice joined the mix. Asha Greyjoy, Theon’s less douchey but infinitely more terrifying sister, walked over to the group from the refreshments table, tailed by her friends/consorts/lovers, Qarl and Tristifer. To be honest, nobody quite knew what Qarl and Tristifer’s status as it related to Asha was, but nobody was ready to bite the bullet and ask.

 

“Your brother’s virtue.” Renly answered, leaning back with his head in Loras’ lap.

 

“Well, joke’s on you, because he doesn’t have any. I think I heard him telling Alys Karstark that he could and would jump naked into the pool from the roof. I also saw him downing three beers in quick succession, so by the time the night’s out, he will have groped someone’s ass and gotten shoved into the pool anyway.” Asha sank onto her haunches next to everyone else, Qarl and Tristifer flanking her.

 

“Where do you fall on this argument? I feel like you’d have insight into Theon. Since you live with him, it’s probably become apparent to you that he’s in love with Robb. Do you think he’ll be the first one to act on it?” Sansa asked.

 

Asha laughed. “Considering Robb is Theon’s only friend, he’d better act fast. He’s the dumbest asshole in the world, but he can’t be that dumb. Is that what we’re taking bets on? Who makes the first move? I can throw my chips in too.”

 

Renly sat up, suddenly interested in the complicated turn this bet had taken. “What’s the prize for this bet now?”

 

“Bragging rights and Jon’s virginity?” Asha suggested, and Jon scowled deeply while Ygritte laughed and hugged him around the shoulders.

 

Margaery smiled. “It was originally 30 dollars between me and Loras, but I think we can probably expand the pool.”

 

Ygritte gleefully tossed down 30 dollars into the center of their circle, and Asha followed suit. Sansa smiled, placing money from her purse into the ring. Renly laid down his piece and gathered up the money.

 

“So who are we putting in charge of all this money?” He asked, looking around at the group. They all looked suspiciously around at each other, wondering who the most trustworthy of them all would be. Jon looked across the pool and spotted Samwell Tarly wandering around the edges of the party-goers looking out of place.

 

“Sam!” Jon waved him over, and Sam caught sight of the group, walking over to them with a smile of relief at having something to occupy his time. “Sam, you’re the most trustworthy person I know. Can I put you in charge of some money while we settle a bet?”

 

Sam looked pleased to be called trustworthy. He reached out and took the bundle of bills from Jon’s hand. “Well, sure, I can look after this for you. What’s the bet for?”

 

“Whether Theon or Robb will jump the other’s bones first.” Loras said, swiping a stick through the air absently.

 

Sam looked taken aback. “Oh. Is this a bet on the natural course of events, or will you guys be skewing things in your favor?” Looking around at all their faces already formulating plans, Sam shook his head. “Of course. Never mind.”

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

**Renly and Loras**

 

Renly and Loras acted first, because it was, in fact, Renly’s house party and he had access to the sound system. Renly’s brother Robert had installed an expensive sound system before he left to join WWE, and Renly’s other brother Stannis hadn’t managed to remove it before he left the house as well.

 

Excellent sound system, a pool, and frequently absent parents made for a perfect party spot, and Renly took advantage of this at every opportunity. Renly headed off to the control panel just inside the screen door to the pool while Loras fanned out to the party looking for Robb. Theon’s dark curls bobbed over the heads of a few stationary people, and Loras kept him in sight while he searched out Robb, who was standing against the siding of the house looking into the crowd.

 

Loras leaned over and told Robb he should come into the center of everyone and dance, because Renly was about to change up the playlist. Robb followed him slowly, still blushing in remembrance of their awkward conversation half an hour ago. Loras steered him toward the portion of the crowd Theon was dancing in until Theon caught sight of Robb and his face broke out into a smile. He threw his hands up into the air.

 

“Robb!” He shouted, slurring his words a little and coming over to Robb and Loras. Renly chose that moment to change the tone of the fairly steady pace of the past couple songs. The new song started, a thumping, grinding song good for dancing. The people in the crowd cheered a little and began to pair off with each other, getting into the beat. Loras beat a retreat in order to watch from a distance, his fingers crossed.

 

Theon had cheered with the rest of them when the song changed and tried to dance alone, but the paired nature of the song finally pushed through his intoxicated brain and he turned to Robb with a cheeky grin, who was still feeling a little out-of-sorts after Loras had steered him over here. “Dance with me, Robb!” Theon shouted, hips gyrating in a way that was definitely embarrassing but a little hot too, Robb had to admit.

 

And okay, so he was a little drunk himself, and so he linked hands with Theon and started to dance. Everything was fine, everybody was absorbed in their own dancing, and Robb started to relax. It was nice just moving to the beat ceaselessly, following Theon’s frantic lead and not thinking too much.

 

Theon grabbed his waist and pulled him a little closer, and Robb flushed, suddenly noticing Loras’ keen eyes watching them from across the way, and even Jon’s terrifying girlfriend Ygritte was keeping watch from the other side of the pool, her eyes narrowed. Robb wasn’t sure why they were glaring at him so much, but remembering the incredibly painful conversation he had tried to start with Renly and Loras, he pulled away from Theon, his face red.

 

Theon looked down at him in confusion. “Where are you going?”

 

Robb didn’t say anything, only walked away and headed for the door. Theon went after him, grabbing his arm. “We don’t have to dance if you don’t-” He was cut off as Robb turned around and Theon was thrown off balance by the turn. Unfortunately, he was standing right next to the edge of the pool, and as anyone can tell you, alcohol and balance do not a happy couple make.

 

Theon lost his balance rather dramatically and went flying off into the bottom of the pool. Robb looked down in concern, but Theon resurfaced, sputtering and with his hair plastered to his face. Robb turned red, and ran for the door before Theon could extricate himself from the pool and ask him what exactly that had been.

 

As Robb fled out the side door towards home and a sopping-wet Theon heaved himself onto the poolside, Loras looked toward Renly and gave him a small shrug. Renly jumped down from the music soapbox and joined Loras grumpily.

 

“I guess Kanye doesn’t get everybody as horny as me.” Renly deadpanned, and Loras wrapped an arm around his shoulder and laughed.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

**Sansa and Margaery**

 

Margaery knew that Loras’ silly frat boy plan wouldn’t be the way to overcome Theon and Robb’s deep-set denial, but she allowed Loras’ plan to play itself out. The next day, she and Sansa were sitting in Sansa’s room, flipping through magazines while Sansa put away her laundry.

 

Margaery rolled onto her back, staring up at the spackled ceiling. “What if we send Theon a rose and box of chocolates and tell him they’re from Robb?” Sansa giggled and walked over to the bed on her knees, leaning over Margaery from her advantageous position.

 

“Like Robb would ever send Theon a rose. That’s just unrealistic, dear,” Sansa grinned. Margaery loved when she used cheesy terms of endearment like that. Margaery dipped her head up and kissed Sansa upside down. Sansa smiled into the kiss.

 

Margaery broke away and sat up quickly, her hair standing up fashionably from its previous anti-gravity state. “I know what to do.”

 

“You do?” Sansa came closer, hands on her chin. She wasn’t too attached to which way the bet went, but she loved these kinds of matchmaking scenarios. Call her a sucker for romance.

 

Margaery went over to her bag, reaching into it for a handful of tickets she had left over from a gala fundraiser her parents had run a few months ago. She brandished them. “This is our plan.”

 

Sansa looked confused. “What plan is that?”

 

Margaery sorted through the coupons for a few restaurants around the area, some nicer than others. “We’ll give them tickets to a nice restaurant without telling them that it’s a nice restaurant. It’s all about the atmosphere, Sansa.”

 

Sansa looked contemplative. “Are there any coupons in there for Lannisters? That place might have the right mood. Everyone looks better in low lighting.”

 

Margaery stuck her tongue out, sorting through the pile. She found the one they were looking for, and brought it out. “Yes, there is.”

 

The next day at school, Sansa came up to Theon at his locker where he was currently engaged in pushing an entire bag into the cramped interior. He stopped pushing it into the space when he saw Sansa coming toward him, smiling.

 

“Hey, Theon.”

He nodded, trying to pretend he hadn’t just been unsuccessfully trying to shove the bag into his locker. He immediately smiled the smile he put on whenever he was talking with anyone except Robb, the one that was by design meant to make you think he found everything happening around him supremely funny.

 

She leaned against the wall and held out the pair of coupons towards him. “So Margaery had about a million of these lying around, and she desperately wants to get rid of them. Do you want to take some of these off my hands?”

 

Theon took the coupons and shrugged. “Sure, everyone loves free food.”

 

Sansa smiled. “Great! I gave you two of them so you can take someone with you. Maybe Robb… Don’t let them go to waste!”

 

Sansa turned and left Theon by his locker clutching the tickets.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Robb looked skeptically at the golden bulbs spelling out the name of the restaurant. “Are you sure this is the right place, Theon? This place looks fancy as shit.” He looked self-consciously down at his button-up plaid shirt he had thought would be nice enough for a medium-priced restaurant. Judging from the streams of well-dressed opera goers entering the restaurant front, this was clearly not the dress code.

 

Theon looked down at his two coupons. “Yeah, dude. This is the place. It’ll be fine.” Theon led the way into Lannisters, and while the waiter, who had Prince Charming hair, looked at them in barely disguised derision, they were eventually led toward a table and presented with menus that weighed about 8 pounds, but only had a few items listed.

 

Robb buried his head in the menu, trying to decipher the French to figure out what most resembled a cheeseburger. Theon leaned back and looked around the restaurant. He thought he had seen two women following them to the restaurant, and as they sat down, he saw a flash of red hair at the corner of his vision, but when he turned his head, there was nobody standing by the wall.

 

Theon turned his attention to the rest of the restaurant’s patrons, and noticed a curious pattern. Every table contained pairs of people, and he couldn’t find any tables with a group of patrons gathered around. In fact, every single table had a couple, most engaged in hand-holding and romantic staring, sharing wine glasses and dessert plates. Shit.

 

Robb seemed to have noticed something was wrong as well, because he was frowning down at his menu in confusion. “Everything on this menu has the suffix -for two. I just want some french fries or a steak.”

 

Their waiter came back, hearing their comment. He clearly had to make an attempt not to roll his eyes back, but he kept himself under control. His nametag, which said his name was Jaime, was pinned to the side, as if he barely wanted to make the effort. “Can I take your orders?”

 

Robb looked up at him in supplication. “Is there anything on the menu that’s not a double? I’d like to order something I can eat by myself.”

 

Jaime looked at him for a moment like that was the stupidest thing he’d ever heard. “I’m very sorry, but the only things on the menu at the moment are couple’s dishes. This is couple’s night.” Robb blushed and ducked his head back into the menu without saying anything.

 

Theon groaned. “That would explain some things. Well, I guess it’s free food anyway. Don’t want to let the coupons go to waste.” He looked down at the menu. “Do you want to get some pasta or something?” Robb made some noncommittal noises and refused to look at him, so Theon just handed the menu back to the waiter. Jaime had to practically pull the menu away from Robb, who was using it as a temporary shield.

 

Once he was gone, Robb looked down at the table, playing with the salt and pepper shakers. Theon tried to start a conversation, but Robb was sullen and quiet, not offering anything back. Theon became uncomfortably conscious of the couples around them. The people sitting to the left of them had intertwined their fingers and were leaning toward each other as if to kiss gently. It was horrifying.

 

Neither Robb nor Theon could think of anything to say under the oppressive weight of all these established couples around them, and they sat in silence for a few torturous minutes, saying nothing. Eventually, the maitre d’ appeared with a small plate of quiches from ‘an undisclosed party’. Robb began shoving the quiches in his mouth so fast it was like he hadn’t eaten in three days, but now his mouth was full, and he had an excuse not to say anything.

 

After the longest and least appetizing dinner either of them had been apart of, except possibly for Theon’s Thanksgiving dinners with his terrifying uncles and distant parents, they left the restaurant. Theon stopped for a moment, looking back at a closed coat closet where he thought had had heard hushed whispers. He brushed it off, and stepped out, relieved to be in the open air where the cars went driving past them at speed.

 

Theon laughed, the whole situation seeming kind of hilarious now that they weren’t in the restaurant anymore. “That might not have been the best night to go out to eat.” He grinned at Robb, who gave him a weak smile in return. He stared down at his feet the entire way back home, and Theon looked over at him, moonlight bouncing off his head. He wondered if he had done something wrong, and when they finally reached the fork in the road where Robb headed off to his house and Theon to his, Robb hurriedly declined Theon’s offer to walk back with him, and rushed off. Theon watched him go, wondering why he had been acting so weird lately.

 

A full block back in the car that Theon hadn’t noticed this time because Margaery had been driving, Sansa and Margaery waited with bated breath, and then were subsequently let down when Robb and Theon parted ways. Sansa leaned back against the seat with a groan.

 

“I really thought that one was going to work!” She said, disappointed. “I thought Theon would be into the whole candle-lit dinner thing.”

 

Margaery smiled and rubbed her hand. “Not everyone loves the classics as much as you. Maybe Theon is just thicker than we thought.”

 

Sansa snorted and leaned over to plant a kiss on her girlfriend’s cheek. “Well, that goes without saying.”

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

**Jon and Ygritte**

 

“It’s all about animal magnetism, Jon. The thrill of the fight. You know, hormones and shit.” Ygritte said, drumming her fingers on the steering wheel of the van that was idling across the street from Theon’s house while they waited for Theon and Robb to emerge.

 

Jon looked ill. “Can we not talk about ‘animal magnetism’ and sex drives in the same sentence as my brother and Theon? It’s disgusting.”

 

Ygritte laughed. “I thought you were here to win a bet, Jon Snow.”

 

Jon shook his head. “I’m here because you forced me into participating in a bet. I had no desire to be part of this circus. I mean, could we be in a creepier van than this?” He looked back at the two giant bearded men sitting in the backseat who were currently playing the knife game against the polyester backseat. They looked like they had 300 pounds of pure muscle between them, and their biceps were practically bursting through their shirts. “Who are these guys again?”

 

Ygritte glanced back at them. “I told you, they’re my brothers visiting from out West.”

 

Jon still looked skeptical. He’d caught their names, Tormund and Mance, but they each looked old enough to be Ygritte’s father, so he wasn’t really buying her story. He was about to say something else when Ygritte shushed him, leaning forward.

 

“Showtime, people. I see movement. Are you guys ready?” Tormund and Mance grunted, flexing their upper arms. Jon began to feel even more skeptical of this plan. “I’d like to say, again, that I think this is a terrible idea.”

 

“You know nothing, Jon Snow. When’s the last time you tried to get two dumbfucks to bump uglies? You have to be creative!”

 

“What the hell does bump uglies even mean?” Jon hissed, but Ygritte shushed him and pulled up slowly alongside Robb and Theon, who were heading up along the sidewalk. Tormund and Mance jumped out of the van, throwing bags over both their heads and dragging them back inside the van, pulling the door shut behind them. Ygritte sped out amid Robb and Theon’s confused shouts.

 

Tormund and Mance tossed the two of them back toward the trunk and told them to shut up.

 

Jon rolled his eyes. “This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever been a part of.”

 

Robb stopped struggling, and cocked his head. “Was that Jon? Jon, what the hell is going on?” His voice was muffled from under the bag.

 

Tormund scuffed him on the side of the head again. “I told ye’ to be quiet. You’ll know soon enough.”

 

In ten minutes, they pulled up to a field adjacent to an industrial parking lot with only a small shed in the space. Tormund and Mance pulled Theon and Robb out of the van and dragged them toward the shed, shoving them in and locking the door.

 

“A shed.” Jon said, sounding incredibly unimpressed. “That’s your master plan. Shoving them into a shed together.”

 

Ygritte leaned back against the side of the van and crossed her arm. “Being in a small space with another person makes you want to have sex with them. It’s scientifically proven. Even you were getting pretty hot and heavy after we were stuck in that basement last month, and you’re practically a monk.”

 

Jon flushed with embarrassment when he remembered that. “Yeah, that was not one of my finer moments. Plus, they think they’ve been kidnapped. They’re not going to be thinking about having sex.”

 

Ygritte scoffed. “You know nothing, Jon Snow. It’s the ‘last night on earth’ syndrome. Just this moment in there, they’re getting down and dirty like it’s their last chance, and we’re going to collect cash money when we win this bet.”

 

Jon’s face, if possible, became even more fixed in self-pity.

 

Inside the shed, Robb was trying to keep his elbow out of Theon’s ribs unsuccessfully, but his foot was stuck somewhere between Theon’s legs, and Theon’s arms were braced around Robb’s chest so he didn’t fall over. Both of them were breathing heavily, trying to extricate themselves from their position, but only succeeding in entangling themselves further.

 

Robb was uncomfortably aware of the fact that his struggling was grinding against Theon’s crotch, and that was creating a lot of unnecessary friction. Finally, he stopped moving, leaning his head against a wooden beam in front of him.

 

Theon laughed, his breath rushing against Robb’s neck. His voice was a low rumble in his chest that Robb could feel. “You know, this would be a lot more worrying if we hadn’t heard Snow complaining to his girlfriend. Business as usual, you know?”

 

Robb snorted. “At least we haven’t been kidnapped by anyone dangerous. Why are we locked in a shed, though? I think I’m missing something important.”

 

“I have no fucking idea, but I wish.” Theon started here to try to lever himself downward, but his spine scraped against the wall behind him and he winced. “I wish we could get to that door over there. It isn’t far.”

 

Robb nodded. It wasn’t far at all, but he was trying not to be hyperaware of every single movement of Theon’s body against his back without breaking. His heart was beating very quickly, and his blood was rushing to places he didn’t really want it to be rushing at this very second.

 

Robb had stopped moving, and Theon saw Robb’s knuckles gripping the wood in front of him. “Hey, are you okay?”

 

Robb nodded. “I’m fine, I just… Don’t like small spaces. Let’s get out of here, okay?”

 

Theon nodded. “Okay.” Theon kept lowering himself until his back stopped scraping against the wall and  he had more movement to push sideways past Robb’s legs, who tried to move them sideways out of Theon’s way. Theon managed to get up again so that he and Robb were standing side by side instead of on top of each other, although their arms were still tangled together. Theon’s fingers brushed Robb’s as he reached for the door, and Robb didn’t exactly pull his fingers away, so Theon left them there as he jiggled the handle.

 

“It’s locked,” He sighed, letting the moment last. He turned his head towards Robb, who was staring at him in silence. Theon became flustered, and turned away. “I’m going to try and break it down. It doesn’t actually look that sturdy. I can see light all the way around the door. The hinges look all rusty.” He shuffled sideways and threw his shoulder into the wood. It cracked outward a little, but Theon had trouble getting momentum. He shuffled sideways again, pushing Robb farther into the wall in discomfort. Then he got as much speed as he could in the narrow corridor to the door, and shoved his shoulder. This time, the rusty hinges snapped off and Theon flew out into the air and landed on his hands and knees in the grass.

 

Robb came out after him, and looked down to see if he was okay before looking up at the four people gaping at them from the white van.

 

“Jon?” Robb asked incredulously. He helped Theon up and then glared at him. “Why did you and Ygritte lock us in a shed?”

 

“And kidnap us.” Theon supplied helpfully.

 

“Yeah, and kidnap us.” Robb added. Jon shook his head, looking put upon, and Ygritte, after checking to see if the both of them were fully clothed, looked terribly disappointed, and leant back to groan.

 

“So, nothing happened in there? Nothing… hormonal?” Ygritte pushed subtly. Robb and Theon looked incredibly confused, and Jon just turned around to go back to the van, shaking his head in disbelief.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

**Asha, Qarl, and Tristifer**

 

That next weekend, Theon invites Robb to come with him, Asha, Qarl, and Tristifer to the lake for Jet-skiing. Among the many strange things about Theon’s mysterious uncles is that they’ve somehow managed to amass a veritable fleet of nautical vehicles, among them speedboats, fishing cruisers, and it’s even rumored Victarion got hold of an entire yacht that he has floating somewhere in Lake Michigan.

 

When they set out that morning, the sky above turned steely gray, but none of the Greyjoys seemed worried, so Robb climbed into the car helmed by Asha. She drives about 30 miles above the speed limit on the entire ride to the lake, but she never seems like she’s out of control. She’s the kind of woman you would let drive you into a hurricane. Asha’s boyfriend Qarl sat in the navigator seat and served as exactly that, faithfully showing each turning as they drew nearer to the lake.

 

Robb sat squished in the back between Theon and Tristifer, who kept trying to engage Asha and Qarl in an argument on some common disagreement between them. Once he got them started, the three of them were gesticulating wildly about their points on heavy machinery and foreign naval policy for the rest of the ride.

 

Theon turned and smiled at Robb, offering him an earphone, before queuing up an album from Robb’s favorite band on his iPod. The rest of the ride was peaceful on Robb’s part. This was what he loved; the quiet moments between the two of them, the fact that they could listen to an entire album without saying a word to each other.

 

They finally arrived at the lake after a few hours, and Asha got out of the car, stretching violently and limbering up for some Jet-skiing.

 

Robb and Theon followed the trio toward the marina where the Jet-skis were moored. Asha called Theon over to help her with the supplies by the shed that would stay there while they were on the lake. The sky had gotten perceivably darker since they set out that morning, but there wasn’t any precipitation yet, so they figured they would be fine.

 

Asha tried to keep Theon focused on stacking the piles of boxes by the side of the shed while Tristifer went over to keep Robb occupied. Asha glanced over to where Qarl was standing next to one of the Jet-Skis, methodically tampering with the vehicle’s gas tank. She tried to keep Theon engaged in conversation, but he kept glancing back over to where Tristifer and Robb were deep in conversation. Robb laughed loudly at something Tristifer said, and Theon frowned deeply, stacking the boxes with a little more force than was absolutely necessary.

 

Asha was pleased internally. She’s just asked Tristifer to keep Robb occupied while Qarl took care of the Jet-ski, but this was a nice side effect. Theon was barely paying attention to the boxes, but he was also not focused on Qarl. Every time Robb laughed, Theon dropped a box angrily, stomping over to get the rest of them. Tristifer was doing an excellent job, Asha was happy to see.

 

When Qarl was done with the Jet-ski, Asha clapped her hands. “Okay, I think that’s enough preparation! It’s already mid morning, let’s get out on the lake before we forget how to drive these damn things.”

 

Asha, Qarl, and Tristifer mounted their Jet-skis in unison, their legs thrown over at the exact same way. Theon climbed onto his and started it up, and Robb struggled with how to turn on the Jet-ski for a moment, but he eventually figured it out.

 

The five of them rocketed out into the middle of the lake while the sky overhead turned from a dark grey to a definite black. There was a brisk wind whipping up from across the lake, sending ripples all the way along the length, but Asha thought it would be a waste of a drive if they didn’t enjoy themselves a little bit.

 

For a while, the five of them drove across the lake at fairly the same speed, but once they reached the branching channels, Asha and her duo chose the left path, and Theon and Robb rocketed into the other path.

 

Asha grinned. Robb’s Jet-ski had been steadily leaking fluid as they rode across the lake, and she knew soon enough it would run out of gas in the middle of the lake, and maybe even capsize for good measure. Then Theon would be forced to fish Robb out of the lake himself, and they’d have to ride the Jet-ski together back to shore. Asha knew none of the others’ plans would work, because none of them knew her brother.

 

Theon wasn’t going to break down just because he saw Robb at a fancy dinner or got shoved into a shed somewhere. She knew that if Theon had the chance to save Robb, he might just try to kiss him, because that seemed to be something that heroes did.

 

Asha raced Qarl and Tristifer across the second lake, beating the both of them by at least 45 seconds, and then turned back around. She just realized that rain had begun to fall, and it was lashing against her in the wind as she drove back across the lake. The clouds had turned dark enough that you could mistake it for being nighttime, and Asha signaled to Qarl and Trist that they should head back.

 

They arrived back on the first lake being completely lashed by winds and rain. Asha could hardly see the shore, and she headed out hopefully in the correct direction. Lightning burst across the sky, illuminating her small trio driving back to shore. Just when Asha didn’t think they would actually make it into the bay, Asha pulled level with the marina again, and hopped off her Jet-ski, watching Qarl and Tristifer pull in behind her. After tying up the vehicle, she shaded her hand in front of her eye, hoping to be able to see either Theon or Robb making their way back across the lake to them.

 

After a few minutes, it became apparent that there was nobody coming back over the lake, but Asha kept watch through the torrents of rain pushing against her. She got worried over Theon in the middle of that storm, but he was a Greyjoy; she knew he could handle a little thunderstorm. However, she suddenly remembered the cut gas tank on Robb’s Jet-ski. Her stomach plummeted, and she hoped desperately that Theon was as successful a savior as she’d wanted him to be in this scenario.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Across the lake, Theon angled his head against the wind, trying to push back towards the shore. Looking back, he noticed with a jolt that Robb was not right behind him as he had been this whole time. Theon looked frantically behind him for some sign of a dark head or a Jet-ski somewhere in the endless expanse of water and rain and grey. There was nothing.

 

Theon turned his Jet-ski around, going back the way they had come. If there had been perfect visibility, it would have been easy to spot Robb considering the lake was not very big. However, the rain made it absolutely impossible.

 

“Robb?” Theon shouted vainly against the wind. “Robb!” He could not even hear the sound of another engine anywhere along the length of the lake. Theon began to shake. What if he couldn’t find Robb? What if Robb was drowning somewhere underneath him as he searched fruitlessly?

 

Finally, Theon caught sight of a yellow flash against the endless gray of the storm, and he headed in that direction, recognizing in relief Robb’s Jet-ski. However, as he pulled level, Theon noticed that Robb was not sitting on the Jet-ski. Theon looked down and saw a hand gripping the side tread of the Jet-ski, and he pulled as close as he could in the choppy waves of this storm.

 

Robb’s head broke the surface for a moment, sucking in air, and his panicked eyes caught sight of Theon before dipping underneath the water again. Theon cut the engine of his Jet-ski, letting the wave coast him over to Robb’s lilting Jet-ski and grabbing the handle. Theon waited for the next wave to push Robb up again out of the water, and he grabbed Robb’s second flailing hand, shifting his weight the other way to offset Robb’s weight.

 

Robb’s hands scrabbled at Theon’s waist, trying to pull himself out of the water. For a moment, Robb’s fingers began to slip, and it looked like he might dip back under the water. Theon grunted and wrapped one of his legs around Robb while pulling him up by the back of his suit. Another wave rocked the Jet-ski at the moment Robb’s feet finally reached the Jet-ski tread, and Theon left his weight low, shielding Robb from the roll so neither of them would fall off.

 

Once the wave passed, Theon started the Jet-ski with a twist and pulled away from the downed Jet-ski with a roar. Robb clutched onto Theon’s leg with iron-tight fingers, trying not to fall off as Theon expertly navigated the bay back to the shore.

 

When they finally reached the edge of the lake, the marina was nowhere in sight, but Theon ran aground and pulled Robb off of the Jet-ski farther up the shore, where the two of them collapsed onto the wet stony ground. The storm was still raging, but they were now safe onshore, so Theon thought they could take a moment. As he turned his attention to Robb, he noticed Robb was shaking, wet hair still hanging in his face. He hadn’t said anything, but still kept hold of Theon’s arm. He hadn’t let go since Theon pulled him out of the lake.

 

“Are you okay?” Theon asked Robb. Robb turned to him, eyes wide, and nodded. In all the adrenaline from the sudden storm, Theon hadn’t spent a lot of time thinking clearly about what had been going on. But just then, looking at Robb, Theon wondered what he would have done if he hadn’t found Robb. The look Robb was giving him sent a warm feeling straight to his chest, and Theon thought of leaning just a little closer, but then he pulled back.

 

“We should get back. Asha has probably called out the Coast Guard by now.” The two of them made their way back to the marina, and when they came within sight of Asha, Tristifer, and Qarl, Asha ran full-tilt toward Theon and threw her arms around him.

 

“Where the hell have you been?” She shouted at him, sounding angry, but Theon saw just the smallest amount of fear behind her eyes. She grabbed his arm, and dragged him and Robb back to the deck, and the five of them ran back to the car, even though every one of them was absolutely soaked by this point. If Asha noticed that Robb still hadn’t let go of Theon’s arm, she didn’t say anything on the long ride back home.

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

**Robb and Theon**

 

Robb started when he walked back into his room that night as Theon was sitting on his bed, wringing his hands. Robb finished toweling off his hair and sank onto the bed next to him. Ned and Catelyn had looked at them in concern when the two of them had walked into the house completely waterlogged and filthy.

 

Robb headed for the shower first thing, trying to beat back Arya who had just returned from fencing lessons. She pounded on the bathroom door in fury for a few minutes, but eventually beat a retreat. Robb had thought Theon had headed home in the interim, but here he was in Robb’s bedroom, looking as nervous and waterlogged as a person possibly could.

 

Theon didn’t say anything, and so Robb thought he might as well break the silence. “Theon, about today,” he started, but Theon interrupted him almost immediately.

 

“No, I have to say something first,” he said in a rush. After that Robb waited, but Theon didn’t say anything.

 

“I feel like I need to explain why I’ve been acting so weird all week,” Robb started, his heart starting to beat faster again. He really hadn’t wanted to have this conversation with Theon ever, but something about almost drowning changes your priorities. Theon waited, and Robb psyched himself up, knowing there would never be a better moment to tell him. “I think that I might be in-” He cut himself off after seeing the wide-eyed look on Theon’s face. Robb was plagued with second guesses. What if he told Theon, and Theon didn’t feel the same way? Theon had been his best friend for longer than he could remember, and Robb didn’t know if he could live without Theon as his friend. Worse still, Robb knew Theon didn’t have a lot of friends outside of him. If Robb crossed this line, Theon might lose the only friend he had.

 

Robb hadn’t said anything for a few seconds, and the silence was stretching out farther than was a natural pause. Theon finally jumped in. “Robb, look, I realized something today when we were out on the lake, and I-” Robb interrupted him again, until they were both talking over each other at the same time.

 

“Look I really have to just-” They both stopped talking and glared at each other for a moment. Suddenly, Theon leaned forward at the same moment that Robb did, and their lips met in the middle. Unfortunately, they had both overestimated the distance they had to travel, and their teeth crashed together in both of their surprise. Robb softened first, closing his eyes and leaning into the kiss, opening his mouth farther. Theon reached up a hand to cup the back of Robb’s head, and kissed him for a few seconds more.

 

They pulled apart slowly, Theon’s fingers still carding through Robb’s hair. Robb opened his eyes and smiled, looking more at ease than he had for weeks. “So what was it you needed to tell me?”

 

Theon laughed and kissed him again, taking advantage of the fact that he could. “I’m sorry I almost let you drown.”

 

“I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you all week,” Robb said, still smiling. He leaned in for another kiss.

 

The next day at school, they sat at lunch together, talking like normal before Robb reached down to take Theon’s hand. Their fingers laced together, as they heard a horrified shriek behind them. They whipped around, hands flying apart to see Sansa staring at them with her hands over her mouth.

 

“Uh…” Theon began when Sansa bounded over, her shriek attracting the attention of others around the cafeteria.

 

“When did that happen?” Sansa demanded, pointing at the two of them accusingly. Three more groups of their friends wandered over, looking at them in anticipation.

 

Robb, not understanding their reaction, said, “Yesterday…?”

 

“Who made the first move?” demanded Ygritte with her arm wrapped around Jon’s waist.

 

They both shrugged. “Kind of both of us, I guess? It just kind of happened,” Theon said, grinning at Robb. He smiled back.

 

To both of their confusion, everyone around them was making various groans of disappointment and anger. Asha even came over and punched Theon on the shoulder. “You asshole! I had money riding on you!”

 

Theon rubbed his shoulder in shock. “Money riding on what?”

 

“On who would make the first move,” supplied Renly, looking resigned to not making a bundle of cash.

 

Robb looked incredulous. “You were betting on us?” He looked over at Jon, disappointed. “Them I understand, but you were betting on us?”

 

Jon sighed. “I was forced into it. Personally, I think the whole thing is incredibly stupid. I mean, if you’re going to go out with someone, couldn’t you have picked someone better than Theon?”

 

Robb didn’t make any answer besides blushing, and Theon dropped his head into his hands.

 

Sam wandered over at those words, holding the bundle of bets. “So who won the bet?”

 

“Nobody,” The rest of the group grumbled in annoyance as Theon finally put the pieces together and started yelling at Asha for tampering with the Jet-skis and Sansa tried to urge all the gory details out of a very embarrassed Robb.

 

End.

 


End file.
